In the early 1980s, I was a member of Dharmadhatu, which is now the Shambhala Centers. After having meditated for several years, I felt ready to begin Ngondro practice. I had two young children at that time and could not go to the three-month seminaries which was a requirement to do Ngondro at Dharmadhatu. So I asked the vajra regent, who was one of the main teachers, to give me the transmission of Ngondro. He said “no” and that I had to go through the seminaries in order to get the transmission. But he did tell me that I could go to Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche in New York.

So I came to Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche to get the Ngondro transmission, which he was delighted to do because he said I was REALLY ready.

The whole time he was chanting in Tibetan and tears were just flowing from my eyes because I was heartbroken that I couldn’t do my Ngondro with Trungpa Rinpoche whom I adored and loved completely.

So even though as Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche was kind enough to give me this transmission, I didn’t really want it from him.

I was crying the whole time he was giving it to me.

When he finished, he took the text and punched it on my head and he leaned forward to me, this is of course through a translator, but somehow I don’t remember the translator being there, all I remembered is that Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche leaning forward, looking into my eyes and said: “It’s okay, it’s okay. Your father will always be your father. And now you are just studying with your uncle for a while…..”

Over the next forty years, Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche, who was my uncle had long time ago turned into my father, my main teacher, because all my meals ever since have been taken from here, Karma Triyana Dharmachakra.

Photos by Michael Erlewine.

根據錄音采訪編輯: 在20世紀80年代早期，我是“法界”，也就是現在的香巴拉中心的一員。做了幾年禪修後，我覺得自己已經準備好開始修習四加行了。但那時我有兩個年幼的孩子，不能參加為期三個月的課程，而這是在“法界”修習四加行的必要條件。所以我請當時的金剛代理，他是主要的老師之一，給我四加行口傳。他說“不行”，我必須通過課程學習才能得到口傳。但是他告訴我，我可以去找紐約的堪布卡爾塔仁波切看看。所以我到了堪布卡爾塔仁波切那裡請求四加行口傳。仁波切欣然同意了，他說我是真的準備好了。當他一直在用藏語念誦的時候，眼淚從我的眼睛裏流出來，讓我傷心的是：我不能從我全然崇拜和熱愛的創巴仁波切那裡接受我的四加行。因此，盡管堪布卡塔仁波切好心地給了我這個傳授，但我並不是真的想從他那裏得到它。他給我傳的時候我一直在哭（我相信仁波切並不知道我哭的真正原因）。可是當仁波切完成後，他拿起法本，在我的頭上打了一下，他向我俯下身子，這當然是通過一個翻譯，但不知何故，我不記得翻譯在那裏了，我只記得堪布卡塔仁波切俯下身子，看著我的眼睛說:“沒關系，沒關系。你的父親永遠是你的父親。現在你只是和你叔叔一起學習一段時間……”在接下來的四十年裏，我的“叔叔”堪布卡塔仁波切，在很久以前就變成了我的父親，我的主要老師，因為從那以後我所有的精神食糧都是從這裏，KTD，得到的。